“Look what the cow dragged in.” –Artemis
If you’re reading this, you’ve activated your Dark-Hunter decoder ring or recited whatever ridiculous nursery rhyme Ash thought up this week to decipher this amazingly complicated, intriguing and mysterious text.
You’ve also found yourself neck-deep in the biggest pit of divine quicksand this side of the universe.
Right now I’m guessing you’re a bit confused, and your mind is full of who’s, what’s, when’s, why’s and how’s that haven’t exactly been answered by a certain representative of upper management who is as arrogant as he is tall and in severe need of a haircut. (Trust me, you’re not alone. Get used to it.â€“ P.S. don’t tell Ash about the hair comment as I’d like to continue breathing for a bit longer and if I’m dead, there won’t be anyone here to help you.)
Well, I’m here to sort you out.
Here’s the situation in a nutshell: You’ve bought the farm on a dead-end street. You’ve bitten both the bullet and the apple, my friend. Your soul cried out for vengeance and I certainly hope you took advantage of it. You should have listened to your mama when she told you to be careful what you wish for. You got more than you bargained, and there’s no going back. We don’t do things that way ’round these parts.
I’m here to tell you what you’ve won.
Consider this handbook your education. Hunter 101. And don’t go thinking you got off easy just because there’s not a pop quiz at the end (well, there is a quiz, but it won’t self destruct or anythingâ€“ however you might if you don’t pay close attention to certain sections).
This is the good stuff. The real deal. In here you’ll find out all there is to know about being a Dark-Hunter. How to live. How to kill. Where to go to buy weapons. Where to socialize. Who to talk to…and who not to talk to. Your physical attributes â€“ what you’ve lost and what you’ve gained. There’s also a history lesson or seven inside that it would behoove you to sit through–one of the first things you’ll need to learn is that ancient gods have a habit of popping up in the strangest places. Knowledge is power.
Always has been; always will be.
And stupidity kills. Trust me.
Now for the disclaimer: This book is mutable. It goes with the wind. It changes more often than the mind of a sixteen-year-old Gemini with a closet full of clothes and a date in an hour. It’s been around for-almost-ever and it’s still a continual work-in-progress, kind of like Earth herself. Don’t be surprised if you open it up for the thirty-five thousandth time and find something old, something new, something borrowed or…well, you get the point.
This book also won’t get too deep into the nitty gritty. You understand there’s only so much we can put in print that we wouldn’t mind Daimons and pesky Squires (Hey Squire, you think you’re the first one to stumble across this book? Hah!) getting their grubby mitts on. The real down and dirty stuff you’ll have to ask the tight-lipped Goth Royal Tallness himself.
Yeah. I wish you a lot of luck with that. I’m sorry but I have to pause so that I can laugh…
Back and sober. *Clearing throat* There are other ways to find out certain little secrets, of course…but that is not for me to divulge. If you are resourceful enough, if you’re in the right place at the right time and you have the right passwords and proper identification, it won’t be much of a challenge.
At this point, while I’m sure you’re appreciating all the knowledgey goodness I’m about to fork over, you might be feeling a little sorry for me–the poor sucker who’s been conned into compiling all this nonsense for you then, now, always, and forever until the end of Time. Let me set your lovely, selfless mind at ease. Please remember, there are very few people to whom Acheron Parthenopaeus owes a favor.
I am one of them.
So I’ll leave you to it then. Curl up in a comfy chair with some millennium-old scotch and feast upon the informative banquet I have prepared for your enjoyment.
Welcome to your new life.
Go kick some ass.