Tales From The Funny Side

We picked my oldest up from school for a doc appointment this morning and then took him to lunch. Hubby saw Bug’s backpack and told him to take it into the house. Grumbling, Bug did so while I got in the car.

A few minutes later Bug returns and opens the car door. Without checking, hubby backs up and we hear. “Hey, hey, hey parental people kid is not in the car. Kid. Not. In. Car. Stop!”

Horrified, we stop and sure enough, the back door is open and he’s only partially in. Thank God he wasn’t hurt. We always check, but it was one of those things…

Son continues to grumble as he shuts the door, “Oh see how it is. You don’t want me anymore. Uh-huh. Trying to run over me, sell my old Yu-Gi-Oh cards on eBay and make a killing. I see you people and your greed. You know if you want my games, all you have to do is ask. But no, you think it’s more fun to squash me in the driveway.”

Hubby tells him that he assumed he was inside the car.

Bug snorts. “Didn’t the parental guide ever tell you not to assume anything when you have children? Especially when one of them’s an idiot who can’t work a door handle?”

My child is hilarious. Of course last night’s rant was over the opossum we caught. It’s been eating my dog’s food for days and upsetting her. So last night when it snuck on the porch, it fell into our trap (don’t worry it wasn’t harmed at all and it was released this morning miles away from the house, back into the wild).

But last night hubby was trying to get Bug to pet him. “Oh nice, parental unit. Here kid, pet the vicious animal with sharp killer teeth. Lose a limb, who cares? We know someone who can make you a new one.”

“C’mon, Madaug, he’s cute.”

“Cute? Oh I see, you’re that dad who puts a pork chop around a kid’s neck and sends it into the cage to pet the lion. No thanks. I like having eleven fingers and toes.” He looks down at his hands and shrieks. “Oh my God! See?! See what you’ve done?! You’ve already cost me a finger and toe! What kind of man are you?”

I adore my children, but my oldest is a comedian in training :)